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June 14, 2005

Mickey Pooped On My Couch

Mickey is a happy Chihuahua/Pug mix with the markings of a Rottweiler, the energy of a Jack Russell Terrier, and the size of a lawn elf. With a bark to deep for his miniature body, Mickey asked me to go out. I thought he was hungry, so I fed him. Unfortunately, for my couch, I didn’t speak Mickey. If I did, I’d know when he’s thirsty, or where he buried his squeaky toy. He could even help me root for the Pistons.

With the technological advancements of the last 10 years, I am outraged that dogs don’t speak human yet. People in America can watch television on a mobile phone, but no one has invented a device that actually talks to dogs. Millions of dollars has been spent to test Methane farting cows; yet, Mickey’s bark cannot be changed into simple sentence or phrases. Where is the funding for a project to research barking dogs and looking for a language pattern?

Surely, with 10 years of government funding a voice box could be created to convert my voice into barking, and Mickey’s bark into voice. The prospect of millions of dollars in product revenue ought to make this a viable research project. It’s no secret that the government has used dolphins for military purposes, creating language from the clicks and whistles dolphins use to speak.

If the return on investment is there, and technology is there, then this research should start immediately. Critics might say that the Canine brain is too simple to create or understand language. Supporters could remind us of the thousands of Seeing Eye Dogs in service. Mickey certainly knows what dinner means, or outside; he just doesn’t know how to bark it to me. Training was a great solution for the 1950’s but this is the new millennium, let’s use technology for something that will make us all smile, a talking dog.

Posted by Clifton at 01:28 AM | Comments (1)

The Journey....

It's about 2am here in Detroit, and I'm all packed & ready to go to the bus station. A bus to San Fransico? Am I fucking crazy? Yes, crazy about IMPROV!

It'll be a 2 day and 10 hour trip, but I'm sure that once I arrive it'll be well worth it. Bus trips are never fun, but they tend to bring out the character in people. I'm looking forward to the stories that come out of all of this.

Chuck will be flying in. That lucky bastard. Stay tuned kids! The journey is about to begin.

Posted by Clifton at 01:23 AM | Comments (0)